inside

Awake at times when I shouldn’t be- sometimes because a toddler has kicked my neck, or flung a heavy hand over my nose as he flails in his sleep, making the crib seem delicious- sometimes like now when I am too tired to get up and go to bed. Brushing my teeth takes work and I have to work up to that.

Today was all fluffy clouds mingling with stormy grays; instant on-and-off showers and fat drops, expectations of rainbows. I found none, but my son smiled a lot.

Today was all hugs and familiarity and love. My best friend is home for now and there’s comfort in that. We are both in the area we grew up- separately and together- for the first time in five years. It’s summer, and that’s always been our time. Ever since 1997. Ups and downs, side to side.

She made a beautiful picture frame for my son, constructed out of an old children’s book cover and a crocheted ribbon. She is the master. I would love to share it with you but the batteries in my camera are so well-loved that they don’t even have enough juice to be recharged.

I would also love to share my last two card designs with you but again, the batteries.

She asked me if I have done any Maine things since I’ve been home. I mentioned Old Orchard Beach, Range Pond and lighthouses while I ached for Bethel and my grandparent’s house there. They don’t live there anymore but I will always have Bethel- their road, the cemetery at the end of it, Mollyockett Day, bubble gum ice cream, the wood shop, lightning bugs and hide-n-seek in the field with my cousins, and fiddleheads.

I forgot to mention the Old Port, Great Falls and Nezinscot Farm. I forgot to ache for Fort Williams, Granny’s Burritos and Popham.

Awake at times when I shouldn’t be- I wander. My mind weaves, my eyes play tricks. Oh, what tricksters.

I should go brush my teeth now and sleep. This is when the toddler sleeps in one position.